As an aspiring writer getting paid to write should be the thing for which I’m striving, right? Truth is writing for money frequently leaves me in this anxious state always questioning my writing abilities. In this state, I constantly search for clues and validation that what I wrote was acceptable. I once spent 20 minutes on a call with my life coach questioning whether I had a right to ask someone for feedback about what I had submitted. No one had reached out for edits, but I just needed to hear what I submitted was ok. I needed the validation. Seriously.

Writing for free, though, is a totally different experience. I always describe this as “writing out of love” with no deadlines, constraints or third parties to please. A coffee shop with good wifi, comfortable seating and a power receptacle is my happy space and I could spend all day there writing works of love. I feel safe. I feel like a good writer.

But feeling safe will not let me step into my power and live my best life. So, I’m swallowing my anxiety and spending the rest of my day working on two outlines for some paid writing work.